Friday, July 11, 2014

My Insecurities

I had a friend once tell me, "It's better to know what you're NOT than to know what you are." I have thought about that a lot lately as I've entered a new world with a new body, that I hope to eventually transform. The things that I'm not are some of the things that I am the most insecure about. I figure if I maybe learn to accept these things, I'll eventually stop caring and embrace them.




*I am not concise. 
  As a reader of this blog, I'm sure you've realized that I like words. I have a hard time cutting things short, in writing or speech. Which means, I'm a talker. I talk a lot. In fact, I usually leave a party/gathering/event thinking that I talked too much. In high school, I thought it was sort of humorous. One of my teachers told my mom at parent/teacher conference that I had a "talking problem." She proceeded to tell my mom that she'd move me from a spot and I would just continue to make friends anywhere I sat. Now, I cringe when someone says something like, "I knew they were talking with you so they'd be a while." But honestly, is talking too much any worse than talking too little. I want to embrace the fact that I have a lot to say and I'm comfortable saying it. If I'm comfortable saying it in the first place, I should be comfortable about it later. I should be more proud of the fact that I can always find something to talk about with anyone at a party. Parties don't ever make me nervous because I am a talker. I'm working on being more proud of that fact.


*I am not confident in friendships. 

My two closest and best friends are both people I knew in high school and spent time with before I hit 20. Something happened to me in my twenties--I'm honestly not quite sure what it was. I started doubting that people genuinely wanted to be friends with me. Which means if you've met me in my twenties, I've probably felt more like you have been my friend to be nice rather than because you actually like me. Which usually means I am bad at friendships. I have probably hurt people's feelings without meaning to because of this. I'm working on treating every invitation like a sincere one and embracing the possibility of new friendships.

*I am not a morning person. 
 I'm not. I never have been. I like to stay up later and sleep a little longer in the mornings. I always feel guilty about this because so many "productive" people start their day early (and usually with exercise). But I start mine a bit later. I have never been tired early enough to get out of bed early and still get a healthy amount of sleep. Instead, Zach and I stay up watching our show, playing games, cuddling, and talking, all while those early birds are snoozing away. I should embrace the fact that I get a healthy amount of sleep and that I enjoy my evenings rather than forcing myself to go to bed when my body and mind are not ready.

*I am not glamorous.

I'm usually more comfortable with this when I'm healthier. When I'm healthier I look and feel better without makeup donning a hooded sweatshirt and jeans (my favorite outfit). I don't like glamorous makeup, I honestly don't even know how to really apply makeup. I have no desire to falsify my lashes or to do winged eye liner. I don't like trendy clothing. Sure, I love to dress up, put on a little makeup, and accessorize (shoes...shoes...shoes!!!). I am never the person who will wear designer anything because it's just not in me. Sometimes I stand next to someone who is that way, though, and I allow myself to somehow feel less. It's not who I am. I should embrace my more natural approach. I'm comfortable enough in my skin to go without makeup and to throw on a hoodie and still feel cute. (At least pre baby weight I was). 

Do you agree with my friend? Do you think that knowing what you are NOT is just as important (or more) than knowing what you are? What are you NOT (for the record, my husband hates the contradictory message of that question)?

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